Back to School

During the last few months of the pregnancy, Hannah and I had to go back to school. As natural as childbirth is you cannot let it come naturally. Instead, a rigorous curriculum is laid out to prepare you for the miraculous event to come. This consisted of Childbirth Education Class, Newborn Care Class, and Breastfeeding Class. I am not sure how many units those classes equal, but it sounded like it was going to be a tough trimester.

Childbirth Education Class

We attended this four week course at Carson Tahoe Hospital. The class met every Thursday in the evening for two hours. When we first got there, we settled in and began examining the other classmates. After a thorough examination, we felt comfortable that we were clearly the best looking couple. Next we introduced ourselves. When it came to me, I said, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." (If you do not know that movie quote then you have been living under a rock) Actually, I said, "Hello. My name is Nick Serrano and I will do my best not to laugh immaturely when you say vagina." That got several laughs except from my wife who promptly apologized for my behavior. The teacher had been teaching the subject for too long. She spoke in a tangled web of tangents and stories with no end that left me wondering if she should take over the title role from Tobey Maguire in Spiderman 4. She was very sweet though and extremely patient with all of our questions. We learned several things and found it beneficial. However, I found no benefit in the unedited video of childbirth. The birth itself was crazy enough, but I left questioning why God had made it necessary to finish off the process by birthing a nice cut of rare steak. I was scarred for life.

Hannah learning how to lay down and fall asleep. Complex stuff...

Newborn Care Class

This was a one time course at St. Mary's Hospital. We were taught to become masters of the subtleties of parenthood. The knowledge that would make us superior caregivers. The teacher meticulously explained for three hours these lost seeds of knowledge: feed your child, change the diaper, and keep the baby clean. Mystifying. I was ready.

My baby is African American. Wait a second...

When I graduated from the class, one of the babies gave me knuckles. I really appreciated the love.

Breastfeeding Class

Finally, a class with some potential! OK, I will keep this PG. Truth be told it was the most informative class. Who knew the chi-chis were so complex? There was also a great show and tell section. Now, now, get your mind out of the gutter. The teacher showed off different products and techniques that would be useful. She was extremely informative and organized. Breastfeeding was the most foreign of the topics that we learned about during all of our courses, but we left feeling much more prepared. We were at one with the mammaries.

(Sorry, no pictures for this class. How anti-climatic!)